5 Signs that You are Becoming Your Mother

The older I get, the less resistant I am about the idea of becoming my mother’s clone. After all, she took care of me for 18+ years, taught me the values that are central to who I am today, and did a damn good job of overcoming the challenges along the way. So how do you know if you, too are becoming your mother?

I surveyed more than a dozen of my closest friends and family members ranging from my seven-year-old daughter to my 70-year-old mother-in-law. Everyone shared heartfelt and humorous reflections about what they have learned and adopted from their mothers. While our experiences differ — some of us are only children, products of single-parent households, first borns, and last borns — there proved to be a universal truth. We all admittedly have become some version of our mothers.

Here are the tell-tale signs:

  1. You Look Alike/Share Her Style- Every once in a while, when you get a quick glimpse in the mirror, you are reminded of just how strong your gene pool is and begin to see yourself in your mother. You may not want to admit it, but you may share her style, too. Whether you shop at the same stores or if her 70s glam inspires your fashion sense, give credit where credit is due. You get it from your Mama!
  2. You Have Strikingly Similar Habits- Many of us can relate to waking up to clean the house on Saturday morning to the sounds of Freddie Jackson, Prince, or whatever was on the cd or record player. Now as an adult, you find yourself getting up to do the exact same routine. Or maybe you carry tweezers in you purse, take walks, and cook the same meals that your mom cooked for you growing up.
  3. You Have the Same Interests- Maybe its shopping or you both get excited when the same classic song plays on the radio. Your love for reading and ability to plan the perfect party all come from your Mama. After living with her for so many years, it has just become a part of who you are.
  4. How You Treat Others- It’s amazing how many people said that they learned kindness from their mother. The idea of putting others before yourself and being grateful for who you have in your life didn’t happen overnight. Some mothers emphasized being polite to everyone you meet or a listening ear to those in need. Others have learned to create family unity and cherish lifelong friends. In some cases, this just means reaching out to family more often- something your mom has always done.
  5. Your Attitudes, Beliefs, & Values- Stubbornness, sass, lack of patience, and paranoia can be common family traits. But there’s also wisdom that we have soaked up from our mamas. Advocating for ourselves, respecting others, and having a strong work ethic were high up on the list. Our mothers have also taught us the importance of letting go of control, being silly, and having a sense of humor. We’ve learned to take refuge in material comforts, tune into our spirituality, and take the time to relax. We’ve also learned to stay politically engaged, remain determined, and be prepared to speak our minds.

I’m not sure how much we can attribute to science and how much is learned behavior, but despite what you believe, mothers have such an incredible impact in molding us into who we want to become. Whether we want to be just like them or polar opposite, there is nothing more influential than the life lessons moms teach us about self-care, priorities, and what really matters in life.

And for those of us who are now parents or old enough to have overcome some of life’s obstacles, we understand what our moms meant when they said, “When you get older you’ll understand.” What she really means is that life is messy, that so much is sacrificed to give your child the attention that they need and to build strong relationships, and that raising kids isn’t perfect. And that she is doing the best she can to make sure that you will be better.

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Aja Moore-Ramos

Aja Moore-Ramos

Writer. Educator. Parent. Leopard Print Lover.