What You Can Learn from the Introverts in your Life
For all of my loud and proud extroverts out there, who have no problem floating from table to table at a bar or introducing yourself to your newest colleague, I think it’s safe to say that we are not in our element right now.
Growing up in an extroverted family that thrives on hosting parties, having weekly get togethers, and celebrating in community, I never realized what it would be like to experience this existence as an introvert until I married one.
My husband and by extension his immediate family opened me up to a new world, where everything doesn’t have to be done together and you can find little moments to recharge and get to know yourself better. Not to say that extroverts don’t experience down time in this way, but I am definitely not one of those extroverts. Go, go, go is how I operate and when there seems to be nothing to do, I create something, by sending a text or making a phone call until all of a sudden I have plans.
Now that I have the experience of being around people who identify as introverts, I don’t define them as shy or antisocial, but rather people who are able to renew their energy by spending time alone. Here are some gems that I learned:
Alone Time Should Be a Priority — Spending time alone usually falls last on my list of things to do. It feels like a luxury- something that I am able to do once I have taken care of my responsibilities. For the introverts in my family, the idea of taking a break, resting, and finding time to be creative is a part of their daily practice and therefore a priority. They have taught me that it is possible to handle your responsibilities and still find time for yourself.
There are Benefits to Setting Boundaries — As a social person, my calendar is usually booked and I attend events when I’m tired for fear of missing out. Meanwhile, my husband has no problem checking off “No” as his RSVP. His ability to make decisions without caring about others’ opinions made me understand that I am a “Yes” person. By focusing on the wants and needs of others, I am creating unrealistic expectations for myself.
Think Before You Speak — Extroverts tend to think out loud, which can sometimes be helpful, but we also run the risk of taking up too much airtime, saying things we will later regret, and not actually contributing anything meaningful to the conversation. My introverted family members, colleagues, and friends seem to take the time to process what is being asked before answering- they assess the situation and when they finally decide to share it often leads to a thought-provoking moment.
Deep Listening Builds Stronger Relationships — Sometimes we extroverts like to talk, so much so that even when we think we’re listening, we are not necessarily hearing everything. We are already processing our own thoughts, ready to jump in with a quick response and dominate the conversation. But there is something to be said about spending time having a deeper, more intimate discussion. It allows you to really get to know a person and walk away with a stronger sense of who a person is, what makes them tick, and whether or not they are a person you would like to spend more time with in the future.
Happiness is Found Within — Sure, we hear this all the time. But how many of us actually get a chance to discover happiness for ourselves? While it is hard for me to admit, I spent many years of my adulthood looking for happiness in the form of validation from others and assigning people the responsibility of making me happy. This not only is a set up for disappointment, but it takes away from commitments that you can make to yourself to pursue your interests without waiting for others to join you.
While most of the people in my life are extroverts, I am grateful for the introverts who have taught me that existing is an action, too and doing so only requires yourself.
